Fatigued

Or should I say I'm sofa king tired?
One of the things I find so dang frustrating is the ups and downs. Yesterday I felt great! Today, even though I  slept well, I am so tired.
Its been wicked hot lately . temps in the 90s every day.Today it even feels worse due to the wee little bit of rain we got. Now it's hot and humid. Blargh.
I'll take spring and fall over this any day.
My partner doesn't understand this thing... She sees it as me being lazy. :sigh: It hurts when that comes up.
My daily schedule is usually pretty full. I wake at 7am, go to my friends moms house to cook breakfast and give meds. Come home, water gardens, pull some weeds before it gets too hot. Go back to fix lunch and do chores over TW's house. Come home and do whatever needs to be done. Fix supper for all of us, pack it up and bring it over TW's house. Go back over TW's house to give bed time meds.
On the nights that I work (I work two 12 hour shifts, 7pm-7am) I still fix breakfast and supper for TW.
But I am seen as lazy.
I don't understand that.

Ongoing

I am dragging ass today. I just don't have the energy I should at my age. :sigh: Ok, I am older than I think. 40. yeah, freakin' 40. My brain says 25, my birthday says 40, my body says... oh 85?
Screw you middle age! I'm going right to old age! ~ quote's my body.
The thing that sucks about FMS/CFS is that my mind, my psyche says I should be fine! I'm freakin' young dammit. I should be out enjoying life.
A beautiful day... Good music... My body says sleep. Sleeeep my dear.
I get angry. Every day I get angry because I cannot do what I want to do.
There is no acceptance here.
Not from me, not from anyone.

Barely There

I started a flare yesterday.  Yesterday, it was my left leg. I wanted to cut the dang thing off. Today, it seems to have settled in my hands, mainly my right one. Odd, seeing that I am left handed. 
If you have ever had the flu, a really horrible bout of it, that is what FMS feels like. The symptoms include:

• Pain all over
• Fatigue
• Sleep difficulties
• Brain fog
• Morning stiffness
• Muscle knots, cramping, weakness
• Digestive disorders
• Headaches/migraines
• Balance problems
• Itchy/burning skin

All of that gets worse with a flare. Most days, I'm just tired beyond belief, with some pain, that I manage with OTC NSAIDS (Aleve, Ibuprofen). But days like today? Nothing is going to make me feel better. 
I suppose the fact that I worked 7pm-7am, and only have slept 2 hours since yesterday doesn't help. But there is so much that I have to do, I just can't sleep. 
With that being said, I guess I better shut up and get moving on what needs to be done around the house. 

How funny, Stronger, by Kelly Clarkson just came on Spotify.
I was going to try to start this blog from the beginning, but I just don't think that it is possible. My memory isn't there, and I'll be damned if I sort through my old blog (ok ok, maybe later, I'll repost) so I'll start tonight.
I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... and although all my labs come back "normal" I think I have Lupus.
Back to the day today though. I'm not going to try to go back. no no. It just won't work, and I need a steady flow here...
I work night shift... again. I left night shift thinking that it was the cause of me feeling so crappy all the time, but, I am still not sleeping well, I am still sick all the time.
So I went back.
Last night was my second night back at HADH. when I first moved to Hermann, that is where I went for my first job in the area. I worked 6 years there, almost exclusively night shift... wait, I lie. I worked at Damhorst toys first... then HADH.
I've missed working with the sick. I know I sound dated, but that is what I do. I work with the sick. Period. I make them comfortable... I make them feel cared for. I can empathize  with them. I am sick myself. I want them to be as comfortable as I can make them.
I also make the meanest asshole laugh.
I have these gifts... and if I sound conceited, so be it. I am. I know I am good at what I do. I have been there. I have been healthy, and not... an addict, and not... a human being.. that is all I really am. and I am willing to accept and voice my faults.
hmm. a bit  all over? yes. yes... I am that. I will get down to the "nitty-gritty"
Sooner or later, the nitty-gritty will hit the fan.