Ongoing

I am dragging ass today. I just don't have the energy I should at my age. :sigh: Ok, I am older than I think. 40. yeah, freakin' 40. My brain says 25, my birthday says 40, my body says... oh 85?
Screw you middle age! I'm going right to old age! ~ quote's my body.
The thing that sucks about FMS/CFS is that my mind, my psyche says I should be fine! I'm freakin' young dammit. I should be out enjoying life.
A beautiful day... Good music... My body says sleep. Sleeeep my dear.
I get angry. Every day I get angry because I cannot do what I want to do.
There is no acceptance here.
Not from me, not from anyone.

Barely There

I started a flare yesterday.  Yesterday, it was my left leg. I wanted to cut the dang thing off. Today, it seems to have settled in my hands, mainly my right one. Odd, seeing that I am left handed. 
If you have ever had the flu, a really horrible bout of it, that is what FMS feels like. The symptoms include:

• Pain all over
• Fatigue
• Sleep difficulties
• Brain fog
• Morning stiffness
• Muscle knots, cramping, weakness
• Digestive disorders
• Headaches/migraines
• Balance problems
• Itchy/burning skin

All of that gets worse with a flare. Most days, I'm just tired beyond belief, with some pain, that I manage with OTC NSAIDS (Aleve, Ibuprofen). But days like today? Nothing is going to make me feel better. 
I suppose the fact that I worked 7pm-7am, and only have slept 2 hours since yesterday doesn't help. But there is so much that I have to do, I just can't sleep. 
With that being said, I guess I better shut up and get moving on what needs to be done around the house. 

How funny, Stronger, by Kelly Clarkson just came on Spotify.
I was going to try to start this blog from the beginning, but I just don't think that it is possible. My memory isn't there, and I'll be damned if I sort through my old blog (ok ok, maybe later, I'll repost) so I'll start tonight.
I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... and although all my labs come back "normal" I think I have Lupus.
Back to the day today though. I'm not going to try to go back. no no. It just won't work, and I need a steady flow here...
I work night shift... again. I left night shift thinking that it was the cause of me feeling so crappy all the time, but, I am still not sleeping well, I am still sick all the time.
So I went back.
Last night was my second night back at HADH. when I first moved to Hermann, that is where I went for my first job in the area. I worked 6 years there, almost exclusively night shift... wait, I lie. I worked at Damhorst toys first... then HADH.
I've missed working with the sick. I know I sound dated, but that is what I do. I work with the sick. Period. I make them comfortable... I make them feel cared for. I can empathize  with them. I am sick myself. I want them to be as comfortable as I can make them.
I also make the meanest asshole laugh.
I have these gifts... and if I sound conceited, so be it. I am. I know I am good at what I do. I have been there. I have been healthy, and not... an addict, and not... a human being.. that is all I really am. and I am willing to accept and voice my faults.
hmm. a bit  all over? yes. yes... I am that. I will get down to the "nitty-gritty"
Sooner or later, the nitty-gritty will hit the fan.